And in today's episode, we're continuing on in this series on idols in entrepreneurship and in business. And today we're looking at the idol of ambition, the idol of our achievements. So, just as a quick recap, what is an idol? An idol is an object or a concept that we give a higher priority than God. It's anything we rely on for blessing, help, or guidance instead of God. It's anything that consumes our heart, imagination, or devotion more than God. It's any good thing that we give more influence, more power, more prominence in our life over God. So anything can be an idol. The question ends up being: where is our hope? Is our hope in God? Or in this case, is it improving ourselves? Is our hope in what we're trying to accomplish? And for this idol specifically, for me, it is more of a motive of the heart, not necessarily what I'm putting. I guess in this case I am putting it first. I'm putting my own heart first, putting my own ambition first before God. And this, once again, these are just real life stories of how these idols have shown up in my life, the way that I've wrestled with them, the things I've learned along the way, and what God has been teaching me about myself and about him and about faith through the process. And so it's a never-ending process because on this side of heaven, I will never be perfect. I will always need Jesus. And thank goodness he is faithful and he is gracious and he is merciful and he is forgiving and he has walked with me through all of these ups and downs. And with this ambition idol, honestly, I guess from a young age, as an early entrepreneur, I didn't know what I wanted to do growing up. I didn't know specifically what that path looked like for me. I didn't know what my career path looked like. I didn't know what job I wanted. I didn't know what I was good at. But I know in my heart, I always wanted to be significant. I always wanted to deliver value. I wanted to be valuable. I wanted to be valued. I wanted to do something that mattered. And early on in my career, I had this dream of speaking, of being a speaker, of presenting on stages, of sharing. What specifically, I had no idea. I just knew that I felt called to do that. I felt like I had the passion and the desire and the gifting to do that. And so I shared a little bit about this journey in the episode where we talk about the idol of control. And my control was like having this vision, having this dream, and then trying to make it happen in my own timeline, in my own way, opening my own doors. But this ambition thing is more along the lines of why I was doing that or what I was seeking in the process. And so when I started out, when I was trying to make all these things happen, when I was seeking this success and this ambition and these stages, I was doing it for me. I was doing it to prove myself to even to myself, like to prove to myself that I could do it. But I was seeking status. I was seeking popularity. I was seeking fame. And I was doing it for all the wrong reasons. I was doing it for my own identity, for my own sense of worth, for my own, just for my own glory, honestly. And I didn't recognize that at the time, that it was just really all about me. And I was in a season of my life where I was learning and growing in God and in the word. And I was trying to balance this desire to be successful, this desire to achieve, this desire to be someone with faith, with what God was teaching me, with with God's place in my life. And my heart was not in the right in the right place at that time. And I think it's something I always have to check. I always have to be aware of it, of where what the motive of my heart is. But at that time when I was seeking all of these things and trying to make all these things happen and steamrolling ahead and steamrolling over people. I I it was all about me. Like there's this selfishness, there's this want to be the most important person in the room. And God had to break that in me, you know, because I wasn't doing it for him. I wasn't doing it to point people to Jesus. I wasn't doing it for his glory or his honor. I wasn't doing it to make a difference. I wasn't doing it because I loved people. I wish, I wish I could say that that's what it was, but it wasn't. Like it was, it's just this blunt, ugly truth of all me trying to just make things happen for all the wrong reasons. And and I didn't make things happen, not then, not that way. And so I ended up trying to trying to make things happen, trying to open doors, and and God was like, nope, nope. Like, I'm gonna I'm gonna change your heart first. I'm gonna I'm gonna work on you as a person first. And so he did. And that process took quite a few years. I mean, it's still a work in progress, but a lot has changed in the last 10 years, in the last five years. And during that time, I did finally get to a point where I did recognize, I did see that my heart was completely wrong, that I was wanting success for all the wrong reasons. It wasn't about love or generosity or serving or pointing people to Jesus. It was just about me. And I finally saw that. I finally recognized that because at the same time, I also recognized that I was just, I was not, I was not a person to lead. I was like my heart was not in a good place. I I was not someone who should be telling or sharing with other people a good way, because I personally hadn't found a good way. I personally hadn't implemented a good way. And when I recognized that, that was super humbling to be like, okay, I need to figure out my life first. I need to figure out my heart first, I need to figure out my marriage first, I need to figure out like my parenting first. And so I started going through that process and going from wanting fame, wanting success, wanting stages to then not to laying it down, to giving it up because I was I just recognized that I wasn't ready for that and my heart was not in the right place. And so it was easy to give it up. It wasn't hard. It was just like, wow, I'm like, it was truly humbling because like to wake up and realize, wow, I I don't deserve this at all. What am I doing? I I'm not, I couldn't even handle it, even if I wanted to. And so that was just this wake-up call. And I gave it up, I surrendered it, and I sought the quiet. I sought privacy. I sought just a small, quiet, simple life. I stopped looking for opportunities to speak, and I just focused on living my life and living it to the best of my ability and being a good mom and being a good wife. And and my life, you know, it it got better. Like it came together. There was fruit that came out of that, and it was really great. And then it was just like, oh wow, I I don't this is good. Like this is comfortable, this is working. I I don't want anything to threaten it. I don't want I don't want anything else to to stand in the way. And I don't want to ever risk wanting those things for the wrong reasons again. So it's easier to just let it stay dead and buried, let it, let it just, you know, be there. Because dealing with that again is uncomfortable. Dealing with that again is gonna be hard. Dealing with that again is going to bring up some of these things that I don't want to have to face. And I think for a while, like that was a that was an okay attitude to have. But that's when I started to realize that I was fighting against something that God really had given me. And when God gives us a dream or he gives us a calling, He's He's going to make a way. He's going to work in our hearts and prepare us and shape us into the person that we need to be. Because it's his plan at work, it's his purpose at work. And we'll step into it when we're ready. He will open doors when we're ready. He will resurrect it when we're ready. And I ended up resisting that for a while, ended up fighting that for a while. And even after I finally surrendered, and even after he finally brought it to the surface, guess what? It it was uncomfortable. It was difficult. There were things in my life I had to check and to wrestle with and to address to be like, what am I doing it and why am I doing it? And anytime he calls us into something bigger than ourselves, it it requires him. Like we need him. And so I went through this like new wrestling period of like, okay, I'm gonna, I'm gonna pursue this dream again, but I'm gonna try and do it with the right heart. And now I actually have to learn how to do that. It's it's easy, easier to just bury it and just kind of leave it there for a while. Like it, it's there's there's the stakes aren't as high when you do that. But now I'm in this place where I'm like, okay, the stakes are way higher this time, and I have to actually learn how to do this and how to have the right mindset and how to put you first and how to make this about you. And you know, through most of my career, I I did wrestle with this idea of being a professional and being a Christian. And I felt like there were these two very different sides to me. There was this business world version of Amy, and then there was this like hungry, desperate for Jesus version of Amy. Like, and I didn't know how to be both in all situations. I didn't know how to intertwine those sides of myself regardless of what situation I was in. And that always bothered me. I I wanted to know how to do that. I wanted to incorporate faith into my, into my work, into my message, because it was a part of who I am. It was a part of what I believed, it's a part of how I just live my life. And so I didn't want to ignore that side of it. I didn't want to talk about ideas or processes or frameworks or people or gifting without acknowledging and giving credit to the creator, to the one who knit us together, the one who, you know, made us beautiful and wonderful and complex, the one who has a plan and a purpose for our life. I I couldn't just continue to pretend that that wasn't a huge part of it. And so, you know, through this process of like this dream kind of resurrecting itself again and and God and feeling God prompt me and tell me to start sharing my story. Once again, I started to start to try and share the story without actually sharing the story, without actually just incorporating all of the things, all of the elements, all of the lessons, like keeping it, you know, business business like, keeping it business safe, and being able to just kind of keep it in this nice neat box. And that's where God was like challenging me and saying, like, no, like that's not that's not what I'm asking you to do. I'm asking you to just share the story and to to for everything that it is the the the good, the bad, the ugly, the the spiritual, the the processes, the people, the message, just all of the elements, because they're all connected and they're all intertwined. And then also coming to this place where I was really being challenged in why am I doing this? So once again, everything is kind of being called into question. Every every one of my beliefs, every one of my convictions, all the things that I stand for. And God's really like really challenging me to be like, okay, why are this time around, why are you doing this? Why are you building this business? Like, is it for you or is it for me? Is it so you can make money and provide for your family? Or is it because I'm calling you to do something and you're gonna trust me even if you don't understand how all the pieces work together? And this time I was like, okay, no, I want, I wanna do this for you. I I wanna point to you. I I want to make sure that you are the one that this is all about. And there's a there's a song called Center by Bethel Music. They're the ones who I think they even wrote it and then performed it. And there's a bridge in the song, and it says, My whole life for your glory, my whole world for you only, everything for the honor of your name. If my days tell a story, let it be of you only, everything for the honor of your name. And I heard that song for the first time when we moved here to Alaska, and we were just we're at church, and and the song came up, and so I saw the lyrics on the screen, and that song has just been like an anthem for me of like, what does that mean? What does that look like? Like, if my days tell a story, let it be of you only, like everything for the honor of your name. And what does that look like in my life and in my business today, and in what I'm doing, and what I feel like God's asking me to do, to to let everything that I do tell a story of him only. Like that it's not about me, it's not about my ambition, it's not about what I'm trying to accomplish. If anything, honestly, like doing a a whole series on idols and just sharing all the ways that I've like not put God first, like that's that's not fun. Like, that's not easy. That's honestly been super uncomfortable and I can't wait for the series to be over. But but it's like, okay, but if in the world, the world's philosophy would be like, why would you do that? Like make yourself look bad and and point all these things out. But I'm like, okay, but if God asks me to, like, if God asks me to, like, am I willing to like just lay it all out there? And I think about like King David when he like danced before the Lord and his wife was like, You're undignified. And David says, like, I'm willing to look uh be even more undignified than this. I am willing to be look even more foolish for this for the glory of God. And I think about like that my my pride and my ambition and like my image. And it's like I have to be willing to lay that down. I have to be willing to let that go. I have to be willing to lose my life. I have to be willing to like not care about those things because it's not about me. It has to be about him. And so it's those things have terrified me. Those things have held me back my whole life because I've been afraid of what people think. I've been afraid of approval. I've been afraid of, I've been prideful, I've cared so much about me and myself and my reputation. And so there's I haven't shared my faith. I haven't shared my story, I haven't shared these ugly moments out of fear from myself, like my own self-preservation. And and this is go going through this process and going through this series and going through this last year, like God has just been challenging every single part of that to be like, are you willing to look foolish? Are you willing to admit that you've messed up? Are you willing to share your pain? Are you willing to lay it out there for me, for my glory, to point back to me every time? And that's that's been wrecking me. Like and it it makes me just like have to need him, and and and then sometimes even then feel so vulnerable and so raw that I just want to like run and hide. But I guess that's the beauty of doing a podcast, is I can just st like run and hide, I guess, in my house and bulk up the courage to turn on a mic and record this and then publish it. But but I think that's like the shift in in in my heart over the years is just it's shifting away from like my own ambition, my own image, my own success, it being about me and my life and and how people f see me or how I think that they see me. And instead it being like, okay, God, like my life is yours, my business is yours, my days are yours, my message is yours. Show me what to do, like tell me what to do, and help help me to obey, and help me to have faith, and help me to just to lay it all down and and just trust that some some way, somehow you work through it all, and I don't understand it. It doesn't make sense. But that's part that's part of faith, right? Is understanding that like his kingdom is an upside down kingdom, and you know, the the first will be last and the last will be first, and just all of these all of these different ways of looking at things. So just to wrap it up, if this resonated with you, pass it on to a friend, or even consider leaving a rating so others can find it too. As always, you can learn more at Clearauthenticbrands.com. That's all for this episode. See you next time.